you

You are a pusher

You only did what you wanted to

Even if I did not agree with you

You did this to me, to my life

You wrote so many episodes in me, in my arms

So many I can´t even see myself, in so many harm

It feels like I am surrounded by things

Things I can’t tell if they are truth or only lies

I have loved you with my soul

I have loved you with my life

For so many days, for so many months

For so many seconds, you were there

I believed in you, as you were my guide

My future in life

I just said one thing, I just said I love you

And you only said: you are mine

I was wrong one time,

In telling you all my fears, all my dreams

Now suddenly I have become my own

I’m I right?

Maybe not, maybe by just saying I love you

I love you, to nothing

And nothing became something

That something that I could not imagine.

I had released the monster

The monster that changed my life,

The monster that changed my body,

That changed my arms.

That is why I understand

You are the reason why I am so fucked up

You are the one who messed up with me this way

You did not have any rights to touch me

To feel me.

I said no, you are hurting me

I said no, I do not want that

I said no

No

After you messed with me

After you played with me

You finally said,

I love you

I do not know what to feel what to think,

In the past I would have screamed of happiness,

I would have teared my eyes

Now,

I just want to scape,

Just scape from your eyes,

From that disgusting hands

Hands who had their own life,

Who took my own life

Without asking, without telling why

So now I can truly say that I do not love you

Neither miss you

I am glad this all could finally finish

But this finish included my life

I felt horrible, like death coming alive

Like being sentenced to a life in prison

To a life of lies

Because of you I had to finish

Because of you now I tell no lies

I rather be in another place than telling our daughter,

That her life is based in lies.

That she doesn’t have any father

That has not any wife,

Neither has a mother,

She wishes she could be alive

But if the mother is me

And I am not alive,

Who is telling the poem?

Who is telling my life?

Could be that never existence child

Or the monster who gave her life?

I am not sure about anything,

Not even if I’m the wife

I had suffered tons,

And cried the twice

I only can affirm you something

That I’m not alive.