Dark Room

Again I’m there, sometimes it happens to me, I’m sitting here in a dark room, I never know if it’s a dream or if I’m awake, I just know I’m sitting here … a paper appears with a question, I know everything by heart, nothing changes, it’s always the same, it’s a rare question, it’s a question that I do not know where it wants to go, it’s a question Which makes me afraid, so it makes me think, reflect, makes me feel a lump in my throat, the question is «Who am I?» After so many times that I was here, and to read it again and again, I allow myself the doubt, Because I doubt and then I exist, said an expert , I do not know if what I am afraid of is what I can find in the answer, For the simple fact that one never gets to know at all, because both the human being and the world is in constant change, year after year, month after month, day after day, second after second … the question «Who am I?», sometimes makes me cry, even shout.

«Who I am me?» It is a question that many and few believe to know, but also the one that each one wants and he is afraid to know, before was looking for the answer everywhere, in the unconscious, in psychoanalysis, in own reflection, but I smile And I just say I do not know, I just know that I live, I do not know because I live, but I feel that I breathe and it is a relief. Surprised by my spontaneous response, after a while I realize that something is moving in the darkest part of the room, it’s there, I see it, it’s another role, but this time I’m afraid to read, is another question that says, «Am I happy? Does anyone care about me?» Without understanding I cry, after a while I realize that I am crying, the smile disappears, I feel like when I am in my gray days and I do not understand the reason .

«I’m happy?»

«Does anyone care about me?»

-I do not know what to answer, I can not say the words, I think yes, but then I feel alone, I doubt, I doubt everything, I allow myself to doubt, And then… I remember, it’s like a movie in my head, is a movie of my life, while I watch the movie I feel that I am not happy, because I always hope that want .

After a while I realize that I am looking at nothing, I do not remember what I was thinking, but if I realize that in the film of my life i am not main character … and appears he phrase that long ago i have in my head ringing constantly «think less about people and take more care of yourself, forgive and let them forgive you, ignore if they ignore you, and do not waits nothing from anyone»

After drying my tears, I see another a paper, I do not know when I arrive, says «stop thinking so much and lives, life is very short and long for those who are lucky. «And that’s when I understood that I analyze everything of me and I’m forgetting to live, without seeing the future.

I little by little with time I fell into darkness And loneliness

now want get up me and be happy

http://livesandlovelife.blogspot.com.ar/2017/04/dark-room.html