6 noviembre

I’m sorry I’ve grown up, i’m sorry i’ve changed, that i’m not the same person I was when I was 15, i’m sorry i think differently and i do things that i didn’t used to do but i’m not sorry really, back then I was miserable, in your eyes I was okay because i didn’t cause any troubles, I didn’t do any harm or cause you disappointments, the thing that i’m sorry is that in order for us to go back to the way we were I have to lose myself again.

You say I have two faces, that I pretend to be someone else, yes I know, I’ve always known that, I put on a mask that I pretend, that I act to be someone I’m not, but it’s hard when you don’t have any idea of who you really are.

Do I really think that I need to change, is there really something wrong with not wanting to share parts of my life with them, I think its so hard because I feel weak by being vulnerable, maybe because you have told me I am, I’ve always thought and heard that there’s something wrong with me that I’m not okay, that I shouldn’t be the way I am, but I feel safe in a way, being like this, there’s a comfort that i am familiarized with about being sad.

I know things won’t go back to the way they used to, something has broke, I ask why now that our relationship is the most fractured and that now that you are being the most affected, why is it that only now you think that i need help, now that I’m doing things you don’t like, what about when I needed it the most or wanted it the most, when I wanted so bad for someone to noticed how much pain I was in, you never wonder, you just presumed and ignored.

I’m sorry to tell you i’m not going back just to make you happy, i’m tired of trying to be perfect for you, Im sorry Im not, that I’m not the perfect weigh, that im insecure, that I’m scared, that i want to live, and make mistakes, and that we are different, that I’m not you, im truly sorry I can’t talk to you and that we fight, Im sorry but not everything is about you, I’m my own, an individual.

I never imagined our relationship would come to this, I’ve been angry with you before but this is so much different, i feel like you’ll never see me the same again no matter what I do, its sad, I feel like you don’t love not the same any way, I feel like you do because you have to, cause your my mom.